another stupid little emo kiddo…

Pls save me from the abyss…don’t let me fall over the ledge…I beg u…don’t abandon me…don’t break my heart…i promise I’ll do everything just to satisfy your smallest wishes…pls…do just one thing to save my soul, my body, my heart…to save me

Is so insignificant for u…but so vital for me…my whole life depends on it…my blood will stop running through my veins ,my heart will stop pounding in my chest…my whole life will stop existing on the face of the earth…it will simply vanish…I will become just a memory, a ghost, just smog…nothing more than something that was unwanted

…but why should something perfect care about a mistake? I’m too ‘nothing’ for u… I’m just a “dead” corps… a “dead” corps… a skeleton without bones… bones were all I had…and u took them away… my heart wasn’t enough for u, neither my blood, nor my tears
No…nothing was ever enough for u…

My last scream…was lost in the silence of my body
Lost….in the pain of my soul
Lost ..in the dying of my being
Lost lost lost
Lost in the cold ice of the river called blood

The fire inside me is getting colder and colder…smaller and smaller…it will die…will stop playing with his red, hot waves…his wings will burn in ice…his magic sparkles will drown in water…in wind…in hate…in darkness! As they always do…always…and never…sometimes …and mostly… now and then
When light meets darkness, when black meets white, when the sun meets the moon…and when I meet u…
Light always wins, white is always the most wanted, the sun is always the brightest… I am so weak… and u are so strong
I remain in the shadow of your image… behind you picture, in front of the “nothingness”… I remain alone…with myself

I lost the little I had…that was all I had…myself…and u took that away from me…
Pls give me the key to this chains…they hurt so badly…my wrists are covered in blood…red hot blood…that was once so alive…now is so dead…and your cold chains bathe in my only treasure…my evanescent blood
I was nothing…now I am less then that…how can u feel like u are less than zero? How can u be a minus? How can u be an object with a defect from the day u were made?

I wish I were dead…at least I wouldn’t have felt this way… I would have had no feelings…no more pain, no more colors
Everything black
Just a cold, lifeless body
No more shivering…no more ‘coldness”, loneliness… no more fear…no more tears
Ah….and I am so dead inside…just rotten feelings eat and scratch my soul, hurt my heart every second…every second…for eternity
And I can’t even die
I am damned to suffer like this
To bathe in my own blood
And to kill my own being

Do something cause I’m falling without a stop…I’m trying to grab the edges of the fall…I try….but all I get it scratches and broken nails
My body is bending….and now braking due to the pain

The “coldness” is stabbing the heat from my body
Ice is taking the place of my heart
And water blended with poison runs through my veins
A heavy rock is stopping me from breathing
As I choke…pls do something
As I burn…pls
I beg u

he takes the gun

I’m on my knees in front of him
He puts the gun to my head
I can feel the cold metal…but now nothing matters anymore…I can’t hear, see or feel clearly… the gun seems so far away…is so transparent…and harmless like a gentle touch
I close my eyes
My last tear hurts my cheek…for the last time I would feel the bitter taste of tears

…bye…